Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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