The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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