I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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