So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
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Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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