I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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