i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize