hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize