he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
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Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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