i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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