Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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