He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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