sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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