I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize