did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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