saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize