I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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