Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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