and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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