my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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