my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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