i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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