ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
A+ Viking dick
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize