the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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