I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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