He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
wow bdsm is so cute
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