I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
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I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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