I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
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Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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