the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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