I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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