I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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