good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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