so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
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He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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