I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize