I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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