I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
