you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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