i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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