I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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