I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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