I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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