I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize