Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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