just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize