its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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