I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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