i think my tv is drunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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