how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize