Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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