I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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