He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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