i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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