Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
