i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
